milestones (1)

In our life, we have a lot of accomplishments, turning points, and events that made a dent. Some are far in between. Others pockmark our path at short intervals. For the past year, I have had a lot of milestones. Some were events that happened to me, some marked the accomplishment of things I set out to achieve (and others planned for me to do).

One, I wanted to give birth to a normal, healthy baby through the natural way. I did but through Cesarean section. The reason why I had the C section (bikini cut! - unusual in China) was I kept going into labor on and off and the baby was being distressed. So they decided to cut me up.

Two, to be patient while things were going their way so I will not be further distressed and Yodi will not be further burdened. This was harder than I thought.But I was determined. I gave in to crying after reading on the net(this was done sideways and with a lot of squinting and shifting of head) what AN was and what it can do to me especially that I have an unusually big one (the size of a golf ball). I did not cry again because I could not explain the expression I saw in Yodi's face when he came from buying our food and he saw me crumpled in tears. I thought then that we both had to be strong to take care of the baby,to take care of everyday mundane things like eating, and to take care of each other.

Three, to make it through the surgery alive and to see my children grow and have children of their own. If things could happen just because someone wished for it or hoped for it, then my life would be very long. I wished with my heart to wake up from the surgery alive. I know then that I wanted to live long. Never mind being bedridden (if that would be the case), never mind the after-surgery complications, never mind being old and withered like a raisin. I wanted to live.