having second thoughts

So it is ... I am starting to blog. Just after justifying my title and thinking what a fine justification it was, I thought of googling it and many, many results came out. Most of them are travel sites and agencies..... and I thought the title did not sound like a travel agency! Hmmmmm... what to do... what to do......? Maybe I will just leave it as is now and decide later what to do. What is important is, I have a venue and have finally summoned my courage to write again.

I used to write. Not published stories or poems, but just write. Writing was my catharsis. If I felt lonely, I wrote. If I felt happy, I wrote. I wrote poems and entries to my diary. I wrote monologues, not having the gall to say some things straight to people.I have been often thought of to be outspoken but there were a lot of things unsaid. I wonder what happened if I said things quite frankly to people. Probably the death of me. Ooooops.....

Here I am now, starting to write. This following years of lull. I have not even kept a diary for close to 16 years now. Did not even record the highs and lows of being a mother. Or the accomplishments of my child, and now the highlights of the growing up of my second daughter. For these, I have a reason.

My writing was once taken from me. It was used against me by somebody for his end. Some were destroyed by that same person because he did not like the contents. Some of the notebooks that I have been writing on were torn. What desecration, what an invasion, enough to quell my desire to put my feelings into words.

But now I am starting again. Perhaps it is my need to talk about my experiences, maybe my desire to reach out to people, maybe, again, my catharsis. Maybe all. One thing is sure, that I am writing again and I am not having second thoughts about it.

Wow! It feels like coming out.